I know that God is the one I want in the center of my life. He looks after me, cares for me, chases after me, forgives me, loves me unconditionally... etc. Thats the perfect boyfriend/ husband!!! SO ladies I have the most wonderful PERFECT boyfriend ever! :p
I gave someone up for HIm. I always thought I could do anything for God, well unfortunately that was until I got myself into the situation.
This guy was sweet, romantic, caring, loving... basically the perfect guy. Any girl would be head over heels in love with him, as he was me. Once He wasn't, isn't christian. that bothered me. He was older than me, that bothered me. But I just let it go, gave him benefit of the doubt. THat was a BAD idea!! I cared for him, he became a very good friend. He made me laugh, made me feel better, knew me so well he knew what was wrong and what to do. We talked about anything and everything. We did everything together. I never had to try, he 'loved' me for me. I was the only girl in his life and I knew it. He put all his attention and effort into me! I always felt comfortable, maybe too comfortable. SO when I realized how he felt and I didn't it broke my heart! I tried to talk to him but didn't know how cos I didn't want to hurt him. We never fought about anything except us. He always told me that he would just see what happened between us. I agreed cos I didn't want to loose him, I didn't want to loose a friend. But I didn't realize I was making things worse for him as well as myself. He wasn't drawing me closer to God, he was pulling me away and I was allowing it. He said He would do anything for me. He would go to church, and anything. BUt I wanted him to choose God with or without me, he wasn't going to do that so I had to say bye. I knew he was bad for me for multiple reasons. I was torn between the flesh- what I wanted and God- what I should and needed to do. It was hard but I finally did it. I know God was with me the whole time holding my hand and catching each and every single one of my tears. That is the most comforting. Knowing that He put me through this for a reason. Knowing that He has a prince charming for his beloved princess. I will meet him in God's timing, I'm a precious jewel thats being polished for 'the one.'
I think I give some pretty darn good advice and act strong for others... I need to learn to do that for me!!
Looking back now I didn't 'feel' God but He was there. All the nights i Cried cos I didn't know what to do He was there. He put people in my life that told me the right things. People that did and didn't know the situation, they just seemed to have the right words. (my BFFFFFFF lol and my parents and people at church and...) But of course at the time I ignored God by ignoring these people that love and care about me, which tears me up and shows me just how weak we truly are. He was there and trying to help me all through my trial!!!
Tenth Avenue North sings this song:
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
It has helped me out soooo much lately!!!!
GOD BLESS!
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